marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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