well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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