dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
sarcasm needs its own font
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
