Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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