Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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