I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
