so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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