Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Randomize
