im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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