So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
