Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize