Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
