I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
he thought i was a dude.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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