he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
there is glitter all over my balls
try to milk me bitch
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
