I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize