What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I need water and some morals
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
