god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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