So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
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