I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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