I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Randomize
