porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
