I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
