I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
