Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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