I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
