my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
