You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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