how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I would fuck him just for his dog
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
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