I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
