hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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