I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Randomize
