Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
