my soul wont recognize me after tonight
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
