Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
he was CRYING into my vagina
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
