a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
