Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
