i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
