I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Randomize
