I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize
