He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
