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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
