Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
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