I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
