Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
