When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
