My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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