i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
