so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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