haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Randomize
