Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
