no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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