There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
