You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
