They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
