return my video game
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
