shes about as inviting as chlamydia
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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