he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
even my farts smell like vagina
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
