why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Let's get the cat blown out
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
