Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
