he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
