Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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