There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
