In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
