Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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