It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
