I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
