Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
