Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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