Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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