so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
