Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
