Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
