it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
